We're Pregnant!!!!!

Yup, that's right! I tested on Halloween SURE that I wasn't but lo and behold, 2 pink lines appeared. Sorry for the delayed post, we didn't want to spill the beans till we were far enough along to have multiple heartbeat /growth confirmations. All is well and we're 12 1/2 weeks along! Woo hoo!

Bummer

Well, starting out on a good note, my cycle was much more clear this month -charting wise. My temperatures are high right now and I'm almost sure I know when I ovulated. Fabulous since the last few cycles left me scratching my head. I had a few glimmers of hope during this past 2 week wait. When I was PG last time, before I knew, I got this wierd couple-of-hours flu type sickness about 3 days after our estimated fertilization day. Feverish, cold sweats, upset stomach, dizzy. I never thought much about that, thought it was just because of coming home from our trip or something. Well, Sunday the 21st I got the same wierd short sickness! And judging by my chart it was 4 days after I ovulated. A sign?? Is this what happens to my body at the very beginning stages of pregnancy??? Whoa, that would be cool. Then about a week after the big O, I started cramping - way too soon to be AF cramps....could that be the pain of implantation?? No way! Could I really be PG again!! Joy!!! Rapture!!

Then we have reality. Ugh. Me being the narcissist I am, took a pregnancy test even though I KNEW it was clearly too early to test. I knew it would be negative, but I secretly hoped it would be positive. It wasn't. Start the downward spiral. The first week and a half after O I identified every twinge, every pain, everything to pregnancy! The past few days though, I'm almost SURE it is the opposite. I am just so depressed that AF is most likely going to make an appearance again soon. Maybe Thursday - maybe Saturday. But I'm almost positive that she's coming. And I am just so so sad. Must be the PMS. :(

Funny how one small thing can put you right back in the old mindframe, you know, the one right after the miscarriage. The one where you'll never be able to have a healthy pregnancy, you'll never know what it feels like, you're biological clock is just going to stop ticking altogether soon, you'll never have a baby. I wept like the day after it happened last night.

Guess you don't realize how badly you want a child till you start to feel like you can't have one.



P.S. The next person to tell me that "it will happen for you when the time is right" is getting a fat lip. Being relaxed does not get you pregnant. And until you experience a loss, save the advice. It does more harm than good.

P.P.S. Sorry - PMS talking again.....

It's really hard..

to not get my hopes up. We are trying again, for our first time since our loss. It's hard to not think about what our due date would be, what it would be like telling friends and family at Christmas time. (Cause if we were successful this time, the end of the first trimster would be right before Christmas....)

YES!

Aunt Flo is back. TMI I'm sure, but I'm excited. :)

The LOOOOONG wait

Day 39 of this cycle.....my body is really not being very cooperative. Although maybe my body is smarter than my brain....I just started at the new job and if I pay into short term disability I can only redeem after I've been here one year......

Perhaps putting the baby making on hold? Shoot for an October birthday??

Hmmmm......

I'm annoying myself

So ever since the "incident" my cycle has been all screwy. TMI I'm sure. Last time it was 30 days ( I'm usually 28 days spot on) but this month, I'm on day 20 of this cycle and haven't ovulated yet. Well, my BBT hasn't risen I guess so I'm not sure if I've ovulated or not. It is so frustrating, I was looking forward to starting to try in just a few weeks but how things are going right now, THIS cycle could last another 2 weeks. Ugh. That would put our first attempt in early OCTOBER!!!! Time has never gone so slowly.

Then I start thinkin.......Hey! If I haven't ovulated yet...maybe we can still try THIS cycle. But yeah, hubby is totally sick and not pleased with me for being so selfish and wanting to make babies while he can't breathe. But I swear - since the "incident", my biological clock is ticking right in my ear.

Then I have the fear - what if I DON'T ovulate at all this cycle?? What does that mean?? See? I'm totally annoying myself.

Almost ready

So, its been an intersting few months. Chris has been so good to me through this whole thing I went out and bought him a BBQ. Things are getting better everyday. We were talking about why things happen and we were kind of amazed that we have had only really good things happen to us since we've been together. I guess there are a million reasons this could have happened to us, but we are choosing to see it as a way for us to become stronger as a couple. Cause how can you really be sure that your love will stand up through anything if you haven't been through anything? This was our first test. And we passed. It was hard and brutal, but we made it.
I'm ok with it now for the most part but every once in a while, I lose it. I heard from a friend the other day that she is pregnant and totally lost it. I think more than anything I was just so jealous. I started thinking about all the things she was going through, thinking I would have gone through everything a month earlier than her. Then I saw a photo of her, all cute with her belly. And I got even more depressed that I didn't look like that now. She would be feeling her baby move in a few weeks, and I can't even start over yet. She would get to be visibly pregnant at Christmas, Thanksgiving.....and if we get pregnant even on our first (second) try I will just be at that can't-quite-get-your-pants-buttoned stage. Ugh. I am trying so hard to be happy for her, but I'm just not. Its depressing.
So now starts our final month of waiting. Doc wanted us to wait 3 cycles to get my body back on track and get my insides all ready for a new little one to call home. A month to go till I ovulate again (TMI I'm sure) and the waiting is just torture. I'm trying to get my weight back under control before then (depression is not good for the waistline), so when you look at it that way its coming too fast. Even if I lose the maximum that is healthy to lose per week I'll still be above where I want to be to start a pregnancy. But to wait till I get to that perfect weight to try would just be TOOOOOOOOOO long. Why is this all of a sudden so scary?
Then there's the fear that I WILL get pregnant right away and the same thing will happen that happened last time. I dont think I'd be able to take it....
Ugh, we're just at such a strange place. I'm happy and anxious amidst this horrible depression. Let's hope this mental state gets better before I get pregnant and hormonal.....

Bad News...

I think everyone has heard by now but I'll fill everyone in on the details here.

Wedensday 6/13 Chris & I went in for our 1st prenatal visit and ultrasound. We met with the ultrasound tech first and while she found the fetus, it was measuring only 7 weeks 5 days and I was 10 weeks 6 days along. Also, she pointed out the area where we should see the heartbeat but nothing was happening. Shock. Complete shock came over Chris and myself when she said, "I'm sorry, but this is not going to be a viable pregnancy." What?? How could this have happened?? We were only 1 week away from being out of the first trimester and in the clear!! This appointment was supposed to be fun! We were supposed to get a picture to show the family, a due date, talk about all the fun stuff and finally see the doctor. Now we were getting to see the doctor but only to discuss our new options.

Basically I had what's called a missed miscarriage - the fetus died but my body had not shed the tissue. Since it had already been 3 weeks, waiting for my body to take care of it naturally was not really an option. I could go in for a D&C, a relatively safe surgical option but there were risks and without my mom and Chris there I did not want to be in the hospital nor did I want Chris to have to miss work to be with me. The final option was 2 doses of misoprostol which would cause my cervix to contract allowing the tissue to pass semi-naturally. It was a lot less risky, absolutely no chance of scar tissue so we chose that option. The doctor made it seem like a breeze, I'd take a few days to fully happend but I'd be back in business in 2 days. That was all a lie. It was a poor choice.

Here's how it went down. Thursday I took dose 1 of the meds, waited 4 hours and took dose 2. The pain started about 1 hour in and kept getting stronger and stronger (think menstral cramps that go all the way through to your back times 10 - so bad that you are unable to stop moving). But the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional trauma of passing the tissue "naturally". I suppose it would be obvious to anyone that I should have known that I would feel the large bits passing and that I might have an issue with that. It makes perfect sense to any rational person that it would not be the right choice if you were in the least emotionally unsteady because OBVIOUSLY you would feel EVERYTHING but I feel like I was in no way able to put those 2 and 2 together when we decided to miscarry this way. I was an absolute emotional mess on the floor of the living room, feeling every bit of the sac and the fetus and uterine lining coming out. How could anyone do it this way and not have a mental breakdown? 5 hours into the miscarriage and I was in agony. The doctor had also prescribed pain medicine "just in case" but I could not imagine anyone getting through the process without it. I was in excrutiating pain, was losing my mind, and bleeding like crazy to top it all off. To anyone who wants to take misosprostol, make sure you have a LOT of narcotic pain medication, 2 boxes of pads, at least a pint Ben & Jerry's, a husband to rub your back even though it does nothing for the pain, and 3 boxes of kleenex.

That was the worst night of my entire life. I spent the next 2 days on pain medication and on the couch. By Sunday morning the pain seemed to be easing up and I felt confident only taking the Ibuprofen I was prescribed, none of the Vicodon. Chris and I went grocery shopping feeling great, getting prepared for going back to work and getting back to normal. About halfway through the trip I was sorry I didn't take to Vicodon and even sorrier that I didn't have it with me. I started crying in the pop aisle, managed to pull it together enough to get out of there but lost it on the way out the door and had Chris drive home. The 15 minutes it took for us to get back were excrutiating, I thought for sure I wouldn't make it. We got back to the house and I downed 2 pills like it was my job and just sat rocking on the floor trying to get the pain to go away. It was then that I noticed that I had started bleeding much more than the past few days. It was getting heavier by the minute so I called the doctor on call. They were very little help, telling me to take my pain medication and wait it out or if I felt like it wasn't gettng better or felt like I was bleeding too much I should go to the ER. I was like I'M calling YOU so YOU can tell ME when it's too much!! Ugh! 45 minutes laterI'd filled a pad with blood the pain medicine was not having any effect on the pain so we go to emergency.

I was seen almost immediately and in the 20 minutes from home to the ER I had filled another pad. They hooked me up to an IV, gave me morpine to keep the pain within reason and did a bunch of tests. My blood count and pressure were ok so they were not worried about the bllod loss even though I was making a mess. They wheeled me into another wing for an ultrasound then I went back into the ER so they could do an exam. The radiologist said there is still a lot of tissue in my cervix, but the largest piece is only 2.7cm and my cervix is dialated 3 cm so they wanted to wait and have me see my doctor before doing an emergency D&C. My body should still be passing the tissue but now the problem is the risk of infection. They filled me full of pain medication, gave a prescription for some more serious pain medicine and anti anxiety pills to make me sleep and sent me home hoping my body would just finish what we started last week.

My doctor, of course, is out this week so I will see another doctor this afternoon. Sounds like we have the same 2 options. Take more of the medication to try and speed the process along, or do a D&C and just get it over with. Personally, I am exhausted and in a lot of pain still and would love to just get the D&C and get on with our lives. I don't think I would be able emotionally or physically to go through the pain again of the medication. I'm just so exhausted and I know Chris is equally as spent.

I'm so disappointed that my doctor did not tell us any of the specifics of what was going to happen over these few days. And we were in so much shock we never thought to ask. She said nothing about the amount of pain, she told us it wuld be cramping similar to menstral cramps but more intense. I guess we should have questioned it when she gave us Vicodon an 800mg IB. She said the bleeding would be heavier than a period but did not say how much heavier....it got so bad I had to send Chris to the store for more pads cause I was bleeding through them so fast. We made our decision based on our doctor's imformation which very grossly imcomplete and I'm now paying th price in missed work , emotional distress and pain. Please put happy thoughts out in the universe for us as we try and get through this. I'll update again as soon as we get everything under control.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and love. We really appreciate all you have been doing for us.

FINALLY!!!!

Get to go see the doctor today!! After waiting for 42 long days we get to confirm our due date, ask a gazillion questions, hear the heartbeat and see our little cave-dweller on the ultrasound. Fingers crossed that all goes well and that Baby Cave is healthy and growing. Updates to come tomorrow!!

Hormones

Poor, poor, patient Chris. I do not deserve him....

Last night I was absolutley LIVID with Chris because he wouldn't stop on his way home and pick up vacuum cleaner bags for me. I was even MORE mad that he dare suggest that I just "pull some out of the full bag" so that I could finish vacuuming. There I was scrubbing spots out of the carpet (that at the time I was CONVINCED he put there) and he is telling me to just pull some out of the bag!?!? Well I never!! By the time he got home I could at least see straight again but this emotional rollercoaster ride was far from over. Can you believe he didn't even notice the small (I mean tiny) carpet spots I had slaved over getting out? What was he....blind!? I manage to let him eat dinner in peace, but he is still completely unawares of the degree to which I am fuming inside. Then, my emotions do a complete 180 surprising even me. Chris was going to get up and do dishes but the thought of him not being by my side was just too much to bear!! So what do I do? Burst into tears, of course. You should have seen the look on his face. I disolve into a blubbery mess but THEN, it dawns on me that I am just being ridiculous so I break into a fit of hysterical laughter all the while tears continue to stream down my face. Oh man. I must have looked like a complete lunatic. The wonderful husband he is, he just sat there and held me till I got it all out. I'm sure he was a little afraid of me at that point as well. Oh boy, this is going to be a fun and completely crazy pregnancy.

Checkin in on Week 10!

How Baby's doing:
I'm Swimming! The baby has begun moving inside the womb although it's too small for mom to notice. Most of the joints are formed now - elbow, wrist, knee, shoulder, and ankle as well as the hands, fingers, feet and toes.

How mom is doing:
The morning sickness may start to ease a bit. This week, we'll blame moodiness and a blotchy complexion on those wild hormones. Have heart ~ this is only temporary.
Your blood volume will increase 40%-50% during pregnancy. As a result, you may start to notice your veins more, particularly in your tummy, breasts, and legs.

How we're growing - week 9

Baby:
Voila! Your amazing growing baby has now been accepted into to the fetus-club, a very exclusive and exiting new stage in their prenatal development. Basically, this means the little sweet pea has graduated from swimming embryo creature to a recognizable human being! This week in particular, the irises of their little eyes can function, but (frustratingly for them?) their eyelids remain fused shut for a while yet. The external ears are formed, and their inner ears are now filled with fluid—so your little one actually has started to develop their sense of balance. Your baby's little swimmer legs are still relatively short, although other developments are going forward at a nice pace: their kidney is actually functioning now, which means they’ve started urinating (this might seem charming now but wait till you have to start buying diapers!).

Mommy:
You’re nearing the end of the first trimester and while there are plenty of dynamic and noticeable changes going on inside of you, not many changes are noticeable to you save a mildly bulging midline-- which doesn't quite look pregnant enough to be exciting. Although your body might seem a little boring right now, you can expect the creeping up effect as you will gain roughly 1-2 lbs gain per week (some more and some less). It’s not a bad idea to chart this to make sure you’re not over or underfeeding both of you. As you’ve entered into the Fetal Period, it might be a good time to evaluate your personal health regimen—that is, if you haven’t already. Are you eating enough protein? Sleeping well, exercising right, drinking enough (non-sugary) fluids and getting your vitamin C? Having a baby is the ultimate test for your body—if you take care of your health now you’ll come out of the pregnancy on top of your health and ready to be an energetic mother, if not, well, let’s just say, you’re increasing the chances of suffering from depression, osteoporosis, diabetes, obesity, and a multitude of little nasty viruses (think colds and flues) that good health could beat before you even noticed they’d invaded.

Good thing Chris keeps track of my vitamins for me, with my pregnancy brain I'd NEVER remember. Feeling great still!

Whaaaa?????

It's official. I've got a full blown case of pregnant brain. I can not be trusted to remember the most trivial of things. I put the dog in the crate, but forget to close it. We go to Home Depot to place an order and I give them not only the wrong address but the wrong phone number as well. And for the life of me, I could NOT remember what the correct ones were! Chris had to look in his cell to give them my phone number. I come home from work and forget to close the garage. Start cleaning the bathroom, get distracted and forget I was ever doing it until Chris goes in that room and wonders why its covered in windex that has yet to be wiped up. The list goes on and on and on. It's embarassing really. And making it increasingly hard to keep it from the folks at work. But no morning sickness yet so I think they still have no clue.......

9 weeks! - 2 more weeks till we get to see the doc!

Week 8! 2 months down - 7 to go....

The Baby:
An ultrasound done at this stage should show a fluttering heartbeat. Elbows begin to form in the arms and fingers start to develop. The leg buds begin to show feet with tiny notches for the toes. The face continues to change as the ears, eyes and the tip of the nose appear. The intestines start to form in the umbilical cord. Teeth develop under the gums.

Mom:
Your uterus is the size of an orange now, and you may find your waistline expanding. If this is your first pregnancy, you're probably not showing. If it's not your first, you may have a "pooch" already. You will tend to show earlier in subsequent pregnancies since your muscles and ligaments aren't so tight.
You may be feeling like a teenager if you find yourself with pimples and other skin problems. Don't fret ~ pregnancy causes an increase in oil secretions not to mention those rampant hormones! Your break-outs will go away either after the first trimester as your hormones level off or after delivery.

Pimples.........delightful. :(

Dreams

So I've had a few strange dreams recently.

One a week or so ago went like this: We gave birth to twin boys, who came out 3 years old, fully clothed, talking.....we took them home and things got really wierd. Home was a giant house I'd never seen before and the Freiwaldt, Starowski, and Cave families all lived there with about a dozen kids from who-knows-where. That was a wierd but happy dream.

Last night I dreamt that I was working for Conway again in a different building but with all the same people and a few extra of my friends thrown in for fun I guess. It was my first day back after having the baby and I was able to bring him (in my dream it was a boy) to work with me. How great! Till I realized that I didn't even OWN a car seat and had completely forgotten to bring any supplies. No diaper bag, no clothes, no diapers, NOTHING. I had to change his diaper with copy paper and I cried the whole day because I realized that I couldn't leave to go get anything I needed cause I had no car seat and that I was officially a bad mother because there is no other way I could have been that grossly underprepared. I couldn't even work - I just cried everytime I'd look at my poor boy in his makeshift diaper. It was awful.

Lets hope for more of those fun strange dreams and no more I'm-a-bad-Mother dreams.

Fingers crossed.

He's so adorable

Chris is by far the sweetest husband a gal could ask for. We started DVR-ing & watching A Baby Story last night (more like I MADE him watch at first - he was skeptical). We watched 2 episodes back to back and at each of the births he started getting a little choked up. Afterwards we were chatting about the whole crazy process and he said everyone is going to be making fun of him when I give birth cause he's going to be bawling his eyes out. Ahhhh....what a sweetie. Then he got me a glass of milk. Guess he wants to make sure we get that far. :) 3 weeks till the ultrasound!

Technically speaking....

Week 7

The Baby:
Your embryo makes great strides in size this week, growing to between 0.44 inches and 0.52 inches from crown to rump by the end of the week, or about the size of a small raspberry. Leg buds are starting to look like short fins, and hands and feet have a digital plate where fingers and toes will develop. The heart and lungs are becoming more developed, as are the eyes and nostrils, intestines and appendix. By now the brain and spinal cord are growing from the neural tube.
The Mommy:
You're still not "showing," but by now you're really feeling the changes in your body. You still may be experiencing morning sickness and the other symptoms of early pregnancy. Breasts will probably be tingly and tender.

Nothing new....

So my little preggo life is boring. Symptoms are few and far between. Now that the excitement of telling everyone is over we're just biding our time till the doctor's appointment. We want to wait at least till then to start really "doing" anything like moving the house around for the nursery and all that. I did find an awesome website though - Babyfit.com where you can journal your meals to make sure you're getting enough of the important nutrients and keeps you on track for ways to be more healthy during pregnancy. Its pretty cool and reminds me a lot of the Weight Watchers tracking so its second nature to me. Helps to make me feel like I'm not overeating but according to them (and Nutritiondata.com) I'm not getting enough calories in. I've been having more to eat during the day and making sure I'm snacking but still I'm at least 200 calories short every day! (They want me to have 2000-2300, I get between 1750-1850). I guess I won't worry about that for now since I'm always on target for my nutrients (calcium, iron, folic acid, protien, etc) and don't feel deprived. In fact I think I had my first craving while grocery shopping Monday. Couldn't go one more day without a grilled cheese sandwich so now I have one every day for lunch. Hopefully all is still well with mini-cave, being so normal makes me nervous. Chris has an uncanny ability to not worry about something unless he knows for a fact that there is something to worry about so I'm trying to be like him.

Mother's Day insanity

I got my first Mother's Day gift from Mom & Dad - a white azalea we planted in the back yard last night to watch grow along with the baby. I think the hormones are starting to kick in cause I started crying while planting it and thinking about symbolism of all of it. Then I proceeded to name the azalea Thursday because thats the day of the week we found out we were pregnant. (That idea comes from the shower on Saturday when Bridget told us about the conversation she had wth Tom Helm that he believes she should name the baby after the day of the week it's born.) So next time you're over be sure to say Hello to Thursday. I'm officially insane.

Start spreading the news!

Finally got to spread the word to the majority of people in our lives. Starting the 10th with Corrie & Jay. We went to dinner for our parents B-days and to celebrate Corrie's Teacher of the Year award. So I gave Cor a "Congratulations" card she thought was for the Teacher of the Year thing but was actually Congrats Auntie-to-Be!! It took a second for it to register then she teared up and there were hugs and advice immediately. This is going to be a great time to bond even more with Cor. I can't wait. She already gave me her pregnancy journals from Aria and Adrian so I can follow along the week by week and compare to myself or see what's in store. She and Jay helped with the telling of the Starowski side of the family too recording with me an addendum to the crusie slide show/ video. But before we could tell the families I had a baby shower to co-host with all the old Rainbow girls! Bridget is 7 months now so we had an old fashioned slumber party! Mom made me jammies to wear that said "ME 2" on them so Bridget went down to the girls and said "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" then I came out from behind her and pointed to the ME 2 on my shirt! It was a perfect announcement and a great time! Sunday was Mother's Day with Chris' side first for brunch and my Mom-in Law got to show everyone what we gave her for Mother's Day (the frame and test stick pic). Colleen already had figured it out! Must be a mom thing. We chatted about names and timing and all those things. Then off to Corrie's for dinner to tell the other side. My cousin Christi figured out I was preggo already and pulled me aside to confirm her speculations. She figured it our because I was adamant that if she was not coming to Mother's Day she HAD to call me. She's so tuned in! So everyone else found out right after dinner when we played the video clip. Jay & I were having a conversation about souveniers we brought back from the trip ending with the best souvenier - I walked over to the oven ad illustrated that Chris & I brought home a Bun-in-the-Oven. Took a minute to sink in but I got to experience my first Mother's Day with lots of hugs and stories. It was perfect. :)

My Sister

I'm trying to figure out a good time to tell her - she just HAS to know before I spill to the rest of the family since I think I was among the very very 1st to know about all of her pregnancies. It just wouldn't be right for her to not be in the know. Plus, I bet she has some good ideas about how to tell everyone. Just not easy to find a good time! Ugh. Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and do it tonight.

You know what's strange is that most days I don't feel any different. One day I'll be tired and a little crampy then nothing for a few days. Kinda makes it seems unreal..... No morning sickness yet. I guess when that happens I'll feel all too pregnant. I suppose I should be relishing in the symptomless second month, but honestly its kind of a bummer! I know I'm going to be uncomfortable and achy and swollen and not be able to sleep and get stretch marks and acne and all that but how I am right now is boring. I'm writing this down so that in a few months when I am miserable I can look back and see how great life was back then. Ha.

Oh yeah

I just ordered a onesie for the baby for Chris that says "My Daddy's Tattoos are cooler than your Daddy's Tattoos". Hee!

Grandparents

We've just been totally BUSTING to tell someone but we knew we wanted our parents to be the first to know. But how to tell them? Unfortunately the drama that we created for Corrie & Jay we can't use now, and we kinda wanted it to be a little more private. Luckily for us we took a photo of the home pregnancy test saying loud and clear in all it's digital glory "pregnant" so we thought it would be cute to give our mom's the pics of the test at a pre-Mother's Day thing at our place. Too bad the test turned out totally blurry in the photos. Luckily I was able to write on them with a fine point sharpie, you can see the words great ni good lighting so we were a go! Also found some #1 Grandma frames to put them in for added impact. And we couldn't forget Grandpa so he got a Grandpa Loves Me bib. Hardest part was we had to get through Rob & Helen's Cinco de Mayo shower without letting anyone know I wasn't drinking cause that would be a dead giveaway. It was no small feat but still easier than we expected. I was made to taste a few drinks so I pretended to sip them, I think I fooled most everyone. Mom was so funny because as Rob & Helen were opening packages she insisted that Chris & my present to them was #7 because of an old wives tale the the 7th gift opened at a baby shower is the next to have a baby. I acted my way through that one as well, poo poing her silliness, calling her an eternal optimist. But MAN did I just want to blurt it out and tell everyone!!! We made it through the night and were really looking forward to the parents coming over Sunday so we could finally get it off our chests. We had to make up and excuse that we were going to be gone for most of Mother's Day so we wanted to do something for them ahead of time. They bought it! Chris worked tirelessly out in the yard all day (I think he's nesting) and started up the BBQ as the soon to be Grandparents (again) came in. We were all out on the back deck for a bit then we ust couldn't take it anymore. We gave our mom's their gifts and instructed to open them together. My mom got hers open first - first she looked puzzled, then shocked, then she screamed "YOUR PREGNANT!" just as you could see Chris' mom figuring out the photo as well and getting this shocked, surprised, excited look. So now our parents and all my neighbor's within earshot know. There were tears and hugs and lots of questions. All in all I think it went really well! We discussed it, and we'll be telling the families on Mother's Day. This should be another tough week keeping our mouths shut!

Does that stick say what I think it says??

Chris and I decided that we would wait until after our cruise to start "not being careful" about starting a family. Little did we know that our first attempt would stick! Somewhere between Costa Maya, Mexico and Freeport, Bahamas our bun in the oven was created. I started feeling a little strange this week, and when I think about it, I was really sick when we got home from the trip with fever and chills. We just chalked it up to vacation lag cause come on, who gets pregnant the first time they start "not being careful"? But my monthly visitor was late, and I've been feeling strange so I stopped by the drugstore on my way home from work yesterday and picked up a box of Clearblue Easy (on sale of course) and went home to wait for my honey. I think he thought I was just being a little paranoid, or maybe he just didn't want me to be disappointed if it didn't say what I thought it would. Either way he said do it and we'd read the results together. Of course, of all times in my life to NOT have to go, this would be it. I go more frequently than an old person but I just couldn't do it! Stage fright? After a bit though I got it together, took the test, and laid it on the counter to wait the 3 minutes. Chris went in cause I just COULDN'T look and came out with this sheepish grin saying "Honey......." and there it was in real Clearblue Easy style...............PREGNANT. Holy Schmokes. Here we go, an 18 year project has been set in motion! So we both teared up, lots of "I love you's" and kisses, lots of "wow's". We took one test a few minutes later and it must have been too soon cause this one said NOT PREGNANT. What?!?! Oh man, what does THAT mean?? Figures, I did buy the tests on sale. So we were off to the store to buy another test cause we just could NOT let the final word be 50/50. QFC in Covington, by the way, does not carry home pregnancy tests (wierd) but Rite Aid does. We chose a different brand and waited till bed time. And there it was, a plus sign right where its supposed to be. 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Of course we can't really tell anyone yet so it's been a rough day at work. Had to sneak out to my car twice today to call my insurance and doctor to set up appointments and what not. What a secret to keep!!!! I have wanted to call people all day. Trying to figure out how to tell our parent's to make it special. Then who do we tell next? And when? How long should we wait? End of the first trimester won't be till the end of JUNE!!! So long! I can't wait. Little Mini-Cave is due the beginning of January it looks like. Wow. 1st doctor's appointment June 13th. So many questions till then, but for now we are just so so so so so happy. Already can't wait to meet our son/daughter. Let the name ideas begin! :) Chris has already shot down Ruby Donna so I'm back to square one.